The Freak Brigade

Raging Hormones

2005-06-05T13:23:00.000-07:00

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
Yesterday Soy Girl and I went to see the Sisterhood movie. I wasn't sure what to expect because normally I do not watch movies that fit into this genre. Anyway, by the end of the movie I was crying my eyes out. It was so bad that I had to use every bit of self control not to let out those heaving sighs while the tears dripped from my eyes. Soy Girl found this absolutely hilarious. She didn't cry once...I swear she has a heart of stone. Crying at the drop of a hat is pretty normal for me but I now wonder if it is getting worse now that I am pg. Gosh, I hope not.

A New Adventure

2005-06-03T20:24:00.000-07:00

Wonderful News
It's been a while since my last posting and I am glad to be back. A lot of things have happened during my two month absence. The biggest news is that I am finally pregnant! Codrington and I are so happy!!! At seven weeks my major symptom is extreme fatigue. All I want to do is sleep and sleep. My music classes finished up this week which is a relief because I was so tired. So far, I have only gained a few pounds, which honestly has nothing to do with the baby. Codrington has informed me that the child's name is going to be "Spanky Count Chocula". I know that he is just pushing my buttons but I have gotten so use to hearing it that I now call the unborn child "Spanky". Coddy even bought a Little Rascals dvd to try to get the name Spanky to grow on me. In retaliation I told him that I decided on the name "Clover". As you can expect, he wasn't too amused. Hee hee.

Being Thankful

2005-04-16T07:04:00.000-07:00

Check out WordWeave's site in the left nav bar:

1) I am thankful for all of the people in my life that I love so much.
2) I am thankful that the people I love and I am in good health.
3) I am thankful for each beautiful day that I am alive.
4) I am thankful that Codrington is able to put up with my craziness. :)
5) I am thankful just because...

Happy Birthday

2005-04-16T06:58:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday WordWeave!!!!!

Happy Birthday

2005-04-16T06:56:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Nikki!!!!!!!!!! Now we are the same age. :)

Look2Me

2005-04-08T23:49:00.000-07:00

Evil Spyware called Look2Me
Oh my gosh!!! I just finished saving my computer from a horrendous spyware called Adware Look2Me. This program somehow downloaded to my computer without me knowing it. Luckily my McAfee virus scan was able to pick it up. The worse part was that everytime I tried to delete this program, it would recreate itself. I spent days and hours trying to get rid of this awful program. Finally, I decided to track down the jerk(s) responsible for this invasion and was able to track down the email and phone number for the guy who registered the domain. My plan was simple, I was planning on emailing him and calling him every single day that I had to deal with this problem. I sent him a scathing email advising him that he better tell me how to get rid of this monster that his company created. The next day I received an email from another person with an Uninstaller program. Lucky for them, the night that I sent the first email I managed to finally get rid of it. I filed away the uninstaller and the information so if anyone ever gets this spyware let me know and I will give you tips on how I got rid of it. This is the first day that I have actually been able to surf the net again. What an experience!

Unconcious Mutterings

2005-03-22T18:42:00.000-08:00

Unconscious Mutterings
Check out the Unconcious Mutterings link in the left nav bar:

I say ... and you think ... ?

Stink:: Skunk
Renewal:: Driver's license
I remember...:: when I use to be carefree
Loneliness:: Cold
Ooooh:: Yummy
For real:: Genuine
Titanium:: Metal
Get down:: Dance
Rupture:: Blood vessel
Dramatic:: Drama Queen

Monday Madness

2005-03-14T22:21:00.000-08:00

Check out the Monday Madness link in the left nav bar:

Fill in the blanks.... completely random!

1. I wish I had more __money_.
2. I usually think about changing my blog layout when _I see someone else's cool blog design_.
3. If more people would be _nicer_, the world would be a better place.
4. I really should _exercise_ more often.
5. The weather we're having right now is _sunny_.
6. When it's time to plant a garden, I'd like to plant _flowers_.
7. When I'm running late, I sometimes forget to _put on my ring and watch_.
8. When I can't think of anything to blog about, I usually _don't blog_.

Slowly Getting Back To Blogging

2005-03-09T19:18:00.000-08:00

Check out the Word Weave link in the left nav bar (awesome site):

1. What time did you get up this Morning? 5:00
2. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Hmmm..can't remember...haven't been to the movies ever since I got HBO
4. What is your favorite TV show? Nip/Tuck, King of the Hill, Futurama, Law and Order
5. What did you have for breakfast? Nothing
6. What is your middle name? n/a
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Mexican
8. What foods do you dislike? I am not a big mushroom fan
9. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Maroon 5
10. What kind of car do you drive? Honda
10.b) What other vehicles do you own ? Only have one car, but I do have two Quads
11. Favorite sandwich? Grilled cheese
12. What characteristics do you despise? Spiteful and hurtful behavior
13. Favorite item of clothing? My blue jeans with the pink and white stars on the legs
14. If you could go anywhere on vacation where would it be? Costa Rica
15. What color is your bathroom? Pink and ivory
16. Favorite brand of clothing? Bebe
17. Where would you retire to? Hmmm..anywhere close to family and friends
18. What was your most memorable birthday? 21st
19. Where were you born? California
20. Favorite sport to watch? Basketball
21. What fabric softener do you use? Bounce
22. Coke or Pepsi? Coke
23. Are you a morning person? Only on work days
24. What is your shoe size? 8.5
25. Do you have a pet? Fish
26. What is your favorite food? Does chocolate count?
27. Does size matter ? Not if you love someone
28. When you were a child you wanted to be a: A doctor
29. How many hours do you spend online per week ? Over the past several weeks, I've barely been logged on due to other commitments. Now that things are getting back to normal, I would say around 15-25 hours per week.
30. I stopped living with my parents when I was: 22
31. Best source of relaxation for me is: Listening and playing music
32. Education level: J.D.

Unconcious Mutterings

2005-03-08T21:41:00.000-08:00

Check out the Unconscious Mutterings link in the left nav bar.

I say ... and you think ... ?

Usher:: Singer
Cherish:: Madonna
Mistreat:: Abuse
Forum:: Los Angeles Forum
Systematic:: Planned
Warning:: Watch Out!
Wash:: Canyon
I wish:: ...that I would win the California lottery
Candles:: Birthday
Metallic:: Silver

Getting Back On Track

2005-03-06T11:27:00.000-08:00

Things have finally settled down to start posting again. It appears that I lost my tagboard during my down time so I had to get that reposted. Also, my video stopped loading so I need to investigate that matter too. Well, seeing how today is a beautiful sunny day I think that I will enjoy part of my day outside and get to updating and maintenance tonight.

Flake

2005-02-16T20:15:00.000-08:00

Ugggh, this past week has been crazy. No time to post. Will have to wait until this Friday to get back on track.

Music Memoirs - Top 5 On Friday

2005-02-13T01:55:00.000-08:00

Music Memoirs - Top 5 On Friday

Check on the Music Memoirs link in the left nav bar.

Top Five Love Songs
1) Mariah Carey - So Blessed : A beautiful song performed by a gifted vocalist
2) The Beatles - I Will : A classic song by a classic band
3) Wynonna - Only Love : I had to throw in a country song
4) Somebody - Depeche Mode : Beautiful song
5) John Denver - Annie's Song: Another classic song

and Top Five Love Songs You Hate
1) Whitney Houston - I Will Always Love You - Overplayed
2) Celine Dion - My Heart Will Go On - Overplayed
3) How Do I Live - LeAnn Rimes : Trisha Yearwood version was far superior
4) Hmmm..need to think more about this
5) Hmmm..need to think more about this

Monday Madness

2005-02-08T21:26:00.000-08:00

Monday Madness

Check out the Monday Madness link in the left nav bar.

1. How many clocks (not watches) are in your home? Six How many of them are digital? Two How many do you really look at during the day? Four

2. How many lamps (non-overhead lights) do you have in your home? Four What's your average wattage? Not sure, Codrington handles light bulbs. Are any of them energy saver bulbs? One

3. How many house plants do you have in your home? Two How many need more attention than you give them? None

4. How many photos/pictures/drawings/child's art are on your walls? How many from each of the four categories? Photos - Twenty; Pictures - Eighteen; Drawings - Two; Child's art - One

5. About how many electric gadgets are in your kitchen? Tons How many are used on a daily basis? Two How many are used occasionally? One - The Magic Bullet...which I need to use more since you can make great smoothies. How many have been used once and stashed? Tons How many have never been used? None

Unconscious Mutterings

2005-02-06T19:03:00.000-08:00

Unconscious Mutterings

Check out the Unconsious Mutterings link in the left nav bar.

I say ... and you think ... ?

Shelter:: Homeless
Karate Kid:: Ralph Macchio
Andrew:: McCarthy in Pretty in Pink
Rib:: BBQ...mmmm
Push it:: Salt N' Pepa
Creep:: Radiohead
Chainlink:: Fence
Squash:: Gourds
No mercy:: Trial
Superhero:: Jubilee

Bridal Shower

Today Nikki and I met for breakfast at Mimi's Cafe. She is the best!! She gave me tons of menu and game ideas for Lynn's bridal shower. She also gave me tips on where I should shop to find inexpensive decorations, favors, etc. She even offered to help me cook some of the food. I feel a little bit better about the whole thing now that I have a game plan. I never realized how much responsibility (and expense) is involved in being a maid-of-honor.

Things are going well with Nikki and her man. It seems like they have worked through some of the issues that they were having several months ago. I am so glad to see her happy!!!

Paramedic Internship

Codrington officially started his paramedic internship with a local fire department. He said that it is pretty intense. It's tough because he is scheduled for quite a few 24 hour shifts. I miss him...

Music Memoirs - Top 5 On Friday

2005-02-04T21:05:00.000-08:00

Music Memoirs - Top 5 On Friday

Check out the Music Memoirs link in the left nav bar.

Top Five Movie Soundtracks/Or Scores:

1) Pulp Fiction - All the songs are great but the best has got to be "You Never Can Tell" by Chuck Berry. It makes you wish that you were the one in the dance contest in the movie....well, as long as you are dancing with someone other than John Travolta...how about... dancing to this song in the movie with Keanu Reeves.

3) Valley Girl - One of my favorite 80s compilation cds. Josie Cotton, The Plimsouls, Sparks, Psychedelic Furs, etc. .....need I say more? And no, it doesn't have the song "Valley Girl" on it. This is a must have if you love 80s music.

4) Clueless - This was such a silly and cute movie with such a cute soundtrack. Fourteen tracks by various artists like Coolio (you remember from the movie...Rollin' With My Homies), Radiohead, Counting Crows, and of course World Party. I must say though my two favorite tracks are by Lightning Seeds with "Change" and Jill Sobule's "Supermodel".

5) Purple Rain - There are so many hits on this cd. Yeah, the movie was pretty weak but Prince's music totally makes up for that. He is a truly awesome musician.

6) Reality Bites - Great collection of songs from the early 90s. Fourteen tracks ranging from U2 to Squeeze. Of course, my favorite track is by World Party.

Whew...It's Over

2005-02-04T20:44:00.000-08:00

Music
I made it through the practice in one piece. I played bass on one of songs and sang vocals on the second song for the drummer and guitar player. Apparently they liked my bass playing more than my singing. The main guy told me that he wanted me to focus on the bass playing since they had a bigger need for the bass. Afterwards, they played a few more of their songs for me to hear. Codrington seemed pretty excited about it. During the drive home I told Coddy that I wasn't sure if I wanted to play bass for them because the band practices would be a pretty big commute. Pasadena to Santa Monica takes around 30-40 minutes as long as you do not get stuck in traffic. Anyone who is familiar with the 405, 10, 134 or Pasadena freeway know that it is rare not to hit traffic. Coddy said that the drive to Simi Valley to see Lynyrd is worse but the difference is that Lynyrd plays guitar so he is able to come out to see me. This guy is not going to pack up his drum kit and drive all the way out to Pasadena every week. I thought it about it for a few days and then told Coddy that I decided against it. The main reason is the commute but also I have so many other things going on...like an upcoming wedding, vocal class, piano class, Lynyrd's band, and practicing bass.
Wedding
This week one of my friends, Lynn, asked me to be her maid of honor for her wedding coming up in April. I accepted but there are so many things that I need to plan in a short span of time. ..like two bridal showers and a bachelorette party (all planned in March). I have no experience in doing this so Soy Girl and Nikki are both giving me tips. After work today, I drove to the bridal shop, tried on the dress and shoes, and ordered both. The dress is an indigo blue and is the type of dress that you could wear again. I am so excited for Lynn!!!!

Isn't Rejection Fun?

2005-02-01T19:33:00.000-08:00

Well, in one hour I leave for Santa Monica for a meeting with Codrington's friend. This guy is interested in seeing me play bass and sing. I told Coddy that he had better have made it clear to this guy that I have just started playing bass again so I am not too good yet. Also, I have never had to sing lead vocals so this could be painful. I had one week to get prepared for this which is insane! I am so busy with Lynyrd that I don't think that this will be too feasible but I feel that it would be good for me to go through this experience. My loyalty with music lies with Lynrd since he is my friend. Anyway, this will be a good challenge and a good way to test my anxiety techniques. What could be more scary than singing and playing songs that I barely know while being evaluated. Gulp....

Monday Madness

2005-01-31T18:36:00.000-08:00

Monday Madness

Check out the Monday Madness link in the left nag bar.

1. Are you more likely to rent or buy DVD's (VHS's)? Buy DVDs Why? I only buy DVDs that I am pretty sure I am going to like.
2. If you rent DVD's, do you bother viewing the 'Behind the Scenes' or watching the entire movie again with commentary on? I rarely watch the extra commentary that come with the DVD.
3. Do you think these features warrant the extra cost for DVD? (Afterall, we were able to buy new release VHS for $9.99 prior to DVD). Nope, since I don't watch the extra features.
4. What's your favorite DVD (or VHS) in:
*Drama Whale Rider
*Comedy The Wedding Singer
*Action The Matrix
*Suspense/Thriller The Usual Suspects
*Horror The Ring

Unconscious Mutterings

2005-01-30T16:30:00.000-08:00

Unconscious Mutterings
Check out the Unconscious Mutterings link in the left nav bar.

I say ... and you think ... ?

Coroner:: Death
Mystify:: Unknown
Corroborate:: Evidence
Misinterpret:: Perception
Humorless:: Boring
Calculus:: Math
Eye for an eye:: Revenge
CPR:: Rescue
Stitched:: Sew
Facility:: Office

Simpsons Style...Doh!

2005-01-29T21:43:00.000-08:00

Lunch
Today Soy Girl and I went out to lunch. She told me about one of her MBA classes where the Professor advised them that they need to participate at least twice in each class in order to get a good participation grade. Soy Girl gets very nervous about talking in class but she still made an effort to get in two comments in each class. She finally received her daily participation grade and it was equivalent to a "C". Suffice it to say, she is really upset about this.
Obsessed with The Simpsons
I have come to the conclusion that my niece and nephew are obsessed with The Simpsons. I spent the afternoon with them and we played The Simpsons Monopoly game and The Simpsons Uno game. We also played scrabble but unfortunately for them, they don't have a Simpsons scrabble game that I am aware of. I was waiting for one of those kids to put "kwyjibo" down on the board...but they never did. :)
Music
I practiced music again today. The bass strings are killing my fingers. I am going to Guitar Center tomorrow to pick up some new strings. Hopefully that will help.

Music Memoirs - Top 5 On Friday

2005-01-28T19:20:00.000-08:00

Music Memoirs - Top 5 On Friday
Check out the Music Memoirs link in the left nav bar.
This was hard since I stopped buying albums and cds when I discovered the world of downloading. But sticking with the albums/cds that I own, here goes...

Top five bands that you think are underrated, and your favorite album by each.

1) Band: World Party; Album: Bang! This was a hard choice because I love all of their cds. World Party is truly underrated since almost everyone I know has never heard of any of their songs. This is my ultimate favorite "band"!!!

2) Band: Aqua; Album: Aquarius Catchy tunes, silly lyrics, and a steady dance beat = underrated band. You can't do anything but dance once the music starts playing.

3) Band: Aztec Camera; Album: Love Awesome band.

4) Band: Lone Justice; Album: Lone Justice Maria McKee has such a great voice. I remember seeing them years ago at the Hollywood Palladium.

5) Band: Big Audio Dynamite; Album: The Globe This may be dated but it is still a classic. Definitely underrated.

What A Week

2005-01-27T22:45:00.000-08:00

Music Music Music
Today was a crash course in piano, bass guitar, and vocal practice. I am trying to learn vocals and bass on two new songs. It is kind of hard to sing and play bass at the same time so I decided to figure out and practice the vocals on the piano. The fun part is that I haven't played piano for years so it took some time before I could squeak by with a melody that could somewhat match the song. Once I had the basic melody down on piano I needed to figure out the vocals...my way. I would do ok when I played just the piano but if I turned on the cd and played the song it was super hard because I could hear the old vocalist who would sing the song differently than me. Once I had a an idea for how I wanted the vocals, I then switched to the bass. I am so out of practice on bass that my fingers are so sore. Singing and bass are really difficult right now. I can't believe that I use to sing and play at the same time before on songs a lot harder than this. Anyway, tonight was a good practice. Tomorrow I will really need to focus on getting the bass lines down for both songs. Gosh, I love music!
Dave Attell
I am so excited! Codrington and I plan to see Dave Attell in a few weeks at the Improv. The show is going to be a blast!!!!
SAD
This has been an awesome week. I made so many gains this week with my anxiety that I felt like my old self again. What really made a difference is one of the handouts that I read. I realized that I set myself up for anxiety attacks by always expecting things to be perfect. When things don't turn out exactly the way that I want it to turn out...like I get nervous before doing a presentation...I take that as failure and start beating up on myself. This week I had quite a few presentations and I went into it thinking that it doesn't have to be perfect...just do my best. They turned out awesome. Probably because I didn't pressure myself.
Random Acts of Generosity
I read a magazine article about different things that cause people to be happy. One item that they listed was helping out other people by random acts of generosity. I had my chance this week when another employee asked me for help to advance within the company. I only know this guy from walking by him in the hallway and just saying "hello" over the past several years. I never really stopped and had a real conversation with him. Anyway, yesterday he sent me an email and said that he was interested in another job position and asked my opinion about an outside vendor's training class to attain skills that might be helpful. The outside vendor gave him my name because I have sent a lot of employees to these classes. I gave him my opinion about the class but I also hunted down tons of training materials and manuals for him. I told him to review the materials and that I would be more than happy to explain and answer any questions that he had about them. He looked pretty shocked (but happy) when I handed him the stack of materials. You know what? Helping him really did make my day.

Better Late Than Never

2005-01-25T18:21:00.000-08:00

Monday Madness
Check out the Monday Madness link in the left nav bar.

What do you think of when you see the following colors?
1. White: Light
2. Yellow: Sun
3. Blue: Sky
4. Black: Suit
5. Green: Forest
6. Red: Love
7. Purple: Hair
8. Pink: Girl
9. Brown: Eyes
10. Gray: Horse

Persons Of Interest

2005-01-23T11:39:00.000-08:00

Persons of Interest
This morning I watched a documentary called Persons of Interest. It was about several people who were (unfairly) detained after the 9/11 incident. The people detailed the experiences that they went through when they were arrested and later detained for ridiculous amounts of time. It was so sad because some of the people they talked to had relatives that were detained and later deported. One lady stated that her husband was deported and they didn't even tell her when they did it. They were all regular people that had their lives completely turned inside out because of their last name, status, etc. I understand the need to look for terrorists after that horrible event but to arrest someone at their job, detain them for a year, and then release them makes no sense to me. As of the time that this documentary was finished it mentioned that none of the people that had been detained had been linked to terrorism. Unbelieveable.
Taxes
Codrington's brother is coming over today so I can do his taxes for him. It should be pretty quick since I can assume that he is doing a short form. I am going to do a draft draft of our taxes as well since I expect a pretty good refund...or should I say that I better get a pretty good refund.

Unconcious Mutterings

2005-01-22T22:06:00.000-08:00

Check out the Unconscious Mutterings link in the left nav bar.

I say ... and you think ... ?

Material world:: Madonna
Satin sheets:: Soft
Blizzard: Dairy Queen
Real estate:: Mortgage
Dress up:: Dancing
Wesley:: Blade
Robber:: Criminal
Saliva:: Spit
Slave:: Dominatrix
Shift:: Drive

Whew...It's Over

2005-01-22T16:52:00.000-08:00

CSET
Well I took the final section of the CSET today. It was on math and science and I was really nervous about this one. Surprisingly I feel like it went pretty well...especially on the math section. I do know that I already made a mistake on one of the math essays but I don't think that it will hurt me to bad...or at least I hope it won't. In any case, it is water under the bridge and I need to let it go and move on to new things. I'll get the grade in a month. Thanks Soy for your well wishes!!!!
SAD
I made it late to the group today because of the test. My anxiety was a little high since I had to walk into the room two hours late. Once I got settled though, I felt ok. We did several behavioral experiments which went pretty well. I was relieved to know that we didn't have to sing today. I had misunderstood the assignment from last week. I thought we were suppose to bring in a song that we wanted to sing to but instead he wanted us to bring in a song that was a positive distraction. Whew...what a relief.
Vocal Practice
After group I drove over to Lynyrd's place to practice vocals. It was pretty hard today since I didn't practice very much this week due to the test. We went over all of the originals and now he wants to me to start on back-up vocals for some covers that he has chosen. I have my work cut out for me.

Music Memoirs

2005-01-21T13:11:00.000-08:00

Check out the Music Memoirs link in the left nav bar.

Top 5 Albums you couldn't live without when you were growing up.

1) All albums by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers - Soy girl and I were obsessed with this band! I definitely could not pick just one specific album that had more meaning than another because we were obsessed with all of them.

2) All albums by Queen - A friend played one of their songs for me and I was hooked. I ran out and bought all of their albums up to that point in time. Again, those albums are all so good that I cannot pick one that meant more to me over another. That band rocks!

3) Madonna - Like A Virgin

4) Squeeze - Singles 45s and Under

5) The Cure - Staring at the Sea - Singles

Busy Week

2005-01-20T18:30:00.000-08:00

Busy Week
This week has been so hectic. A new computer application was released to the division so things are really hectic. Anyway, I am taking tomorrow as a vacation day which will be nice. I guess nice isn't the correct word since I will be studying all day tomorrow for the CSET. I already passed the other two parts, but on Saturday I get to take the math and science section (my biggest areas of weakness). This is all part of my grand plan. I figure that life is too short to not do all the things you want to do. I would love to be a teacher but have never seriously thought about going into that field because the pay is just too low compared to my current salary. I decided to concentrate on becoming 100% debt free and to focus on building up my savings and retirement funds so that I can later be in position to take a job that pays less. In the meantime, I want to get all my ducks in a row, and make sure that I pass this test. I want to apply to UCLA's Master's/Teacher Prep program in 2006. The courses wouldn't start until the end of 2006 which works perfectly into my timeline. I absolutely love school! I already have a J.D. and have been wanting a Master's degree as well. This would be a way that I could get a Master's and prepare to go into teaching. Well, life is always full of surprises so we'll see how this works out...

Music
I told Lynyrd earlier this week that I couldn't do any vocal practices because I needed to study. He was cool with it. I told him that I would go to his place on Saturday after the CSET and after my therapy group. It will be a relief to focus on music without this test hanging over my head.

SAD
This week has been a challenge. I have diligently been doing my social anxiety homework and it has helped but I have had a few small anxiety attacks. Luckily they were not too severe and I tried using some of the techniques. They went away pretty quick...thank goodness. Why do I only get these attacks at work? Hmmmm.

Well, back to studying...

Running Behind

2005-01-20T07:14:00.000-08:00

Ahhhh, work has kept me so busy this week. Will definitely update tonight.

MLK Day / Unconscious Mutterings

2005-01-17T21:13:00.000-08:00

Martin Luther King Jr. Day
Today is MLK Day and I would like to say this that is a holiday that I truly appreciate. He lost his life in his struggle for fighting for civil rights. Thank you for making this world a better place.

Unconcious Mutterings
Check out the Unconcious Mutterings link in the left nav bar.

I say ... and you think ... ?
Yoda:: Star Wars
Mensa:: Geek
Pink:: Hot dog
Text message:: Phone
Galactic:: Beastie Boys
Chicks:: Easter
Quesadilla:: I'm hungry
Backpack:: Law school
Socket:: Arm
Compromise:: Arbitration

Monday Madness

2005-01-16T21:50:00.000-08:00

Monday Madness
Check out the Monday Madness link in the left nav bar.

Name your favorite...

1. Family Game Does Blackjack count as a family game?
2. Piece of Jewelry Wedding Ring
3. Winter Activity Hiking
4. Hot Beverage Tea
5. Quote "Live every day as if it were your last, because one of these days, it will be."
6. Color on You Black
7. Summer Activity Hiking in the morning
8. Topping on Pancakes Fresh blueberries
9. Musician Karl Wallinger

A Beautiful Sunday

2005-01-16T14:33:00.000-08:00

The Five Obstructions
I have been dying to watch this documentary for months but I kept missing it. I finally had a chance to watch it this morning and it was well worth the long wait. If you are not familiar with the title, this is a documentary where Danish director, Lars von Trier, challenges his mentor named Jorgen Leth to remake Leth's 1967 short film entitled The Perfect Human. Leth had to remake the short film five different times based on rules given to him by Lars. Lars is trying to make the rules, or obstructions, so difficult that Leth will be forced to create and deliver substandard work. However, Leth takes these obstructions and always finds a way to make each work a piece of creative genious.

Beautiful Day
We have finally been blessed with beautiful weather this weekend. It's hard to believe that all of the rain that caused those horrific mudslides happened only a few weeks ago. Today is the perfect day to go hiking but unfortunately Eaton Canyon is still closed off to hikers, probably due to the high level of water and the instability of the canyon walls. Codrington is taking advantage of the beautiful weather by working outside on the ATV.

SAD Saturday

2005-01-15T18:23:00.000-08:00

SAD Update
I was doing pretty good all week but today I had an anxiety attack. Where? During the cognitive hour of my group session. We were reading through a handout that contained a list of common automatic negative thought statements. There was a reference to not wanting to go to a company picnic. For some reason that triggered the anxiety that I felt about our company Christmas party that I didn't attend in December. Within one second, my heart started beating uncontrollably, my breathing got irregular, and I started blushing as my body temperature raised from 98.6 to what felt like 120 degrees. I completely tuned out to what the doctor was saying and all I could focus on was how horrible it was that I was now having an attack. I almost got up and walked out of the room but I didn't want to draw attention to myself. My only hope was that everyone else in the room was focused on the doctor and not me. During the break, I talked to the doctor and he said that the statement triggered the anxiety memory that I had felt during December. This week our homework focuses on techniques with dealing with those reactions. Thankfully this incident didn't hinder me during the behavioral experiments part of the session. We had to answer questions on the fly and read some of our coping statements in the front of the room to everyone. Overall this wasn't too anxiety provoking. I am getting nervous about next week though, because we are suppose to sing in front of everyone. You would think that I would be ok with this since I am doing back up vocals in Lynyrd's band but the difference is that the band overshadows me. In the group session, everyone is focused on you and only you. Overall, I would say that the therapy has been helping me since this was the first attack that I had all week and it was only triggered by a bad memory.

Soy Lunch
I had lunch with Soy Girl today. She might have a touch of social anxiety as well. She said that there are certain situations where she will not talk to people. Interesting.

Top Five On Friday - Week 2

2005-01-14T17:56:00.000-08:00

Music Memoirs - Top Five on Friday
Please check out the Music Memoirs link in the left nav bar.

This week's topic:Top 5 Songs To Get You In The Mood

1) You're A Hurricane, I'm A Caravan - World Party
2) Heaven - Los Lonely Boys
3) Nobody Does It Better - Radiohead
4) Space Cowboy - Jamiroquai
5) Always With Me, Always With You - Joe Satriani

Woo Hoo
Great news! Codrington will be starting his internship at the end of the month with a local fire department. I am so happy and proud. Hopefully this will turn into a regular job once he is done graduating from paramedic school.

The Cult Strikes Again
I know that this has happened to you. Everyone has had a friend or relative that gets caught up in those self-help organizations that charge a lot of money to take self-improvement classes. Taking those classes are fine but some of these organizations get their members to focus on coaxing, or should I say harassing, their friends and relatives to attend "informational sessions" and "graduation ceremonies" with the hope of recruiting more people. As a courtesy, I have attended these events knowing that my friends needed to bring a live body to make it seem like they are trying to recruit people. What I dislike about these organizations is that when you tell them that you are happy with your life, they try to find a way to make you think that your life is not ok and that taking the classes will only make you better because "you don't know what you don't know". Well, a better sales pitch would be a living testimonial - the fact that my friend's lives have drastically changed and improved as a result of the self improvement techniques they learned. Anyway, Codrington's mother is caught up with one of these organizations and got the brother to go to a graduation ceremony. Hee Hee - He had to sit through the talks of people who said that their lives changed in one weekend (Trust me-changing your life takes a commitment to change that takes longer than one weekend). Bottom line - you don't need to spend thousands of dollars to improve your life AND if you do decide to spend the money, then make sure that you focus on improving your life and not becoming a free salesperson for the seminar.

Wedding Bells
It's official. Big Tex has set the date for 02/11/2006. He told me that they are trying to plan their reception at Southfork Ranch. That sounds sooooo Texas style. :)

Tutoring
I started tutoring again this week, but only with one child. I am tutoring a child that I will call "John". He is in the fifth grade and is really a great kid. There are some days that I am so tired after work that I don't feel like going to tutor but everytime I go the time flies and I wind up having an wonderful time. It truly is rewarding. I am not tutoring at the homeless shelter this month. I think that I will start that up again next month.

This and That

2005-01-13T22:28:00.000-08:00

Olaf the Magnificent (It's all about love and compassion)
Olaf recently sent me an email asking why I don't talk about him that much on my blog. Hmmm, what can I say about my good friend Olaf? Well, I think his own words summarize him the best:

"I'm into fencing...skiing...working out...traveling...eating good food...making love...insightful conversation...art -modern and renaissance period...drinking good wine...having good friends around...my cat...flower garden...tulips, roses, orchids in the house...a good book."

Now, if there any available ladies out there interested in meeting Olaf, let me know. He is available...well sort of. :)

Seriously, Olaf you are a great friend and I am so happy that we have been there for each other all of these years. I look forward to many more happy years hearing about your many adventures. As for the other question in your email about matching you up with one of my other friends....hmmm, we need to take that conversation off line....(Isn't Georgia a beautiful state?)

Also, there is a cover Boingo band playing in February in Orange County. Are you interested in going? Either reply on the tagboard, email me, or call me. By the way, Nikki should be going since she is the one organizing this. :)

A New SAD Link
I received an email regarding another link to a social anxiety site. It is my pleasure to add your link to my left nav bar. It is so important for people to have as much information and resources as possible since so many people do not even realize they have sad. When I first noticed it, I really thought I was going crazy and I felt so relieved when I realized that other people were also suffering from some of the same symptoms. I never would have had the known about it but for the information I found on the Internet. If you have sad, please get help because you can learn to control it.

I have been faithfully doing my sad homework every day. It has made a huge difference in reducing my ANT (automatic negative thoughts). Right now, I really feel that I have it mostly under control and I look forward to my next meeting on Saturday.

Will This Catch On?
My brother told me that this is a new fashion statement that is rolling out in Hawaii. These are apparently charm belts that also cinch your waist. What do you think? Think this will catch on in California?

Note to Olaf

2005-01-13T06:53:00.000-08:00

Hey Olaf...tonight's post will be dedicated to you.

More Music

2005-01-11T22:33:00.000-08:00

I just finished up another band practice with Lynyrd. This time it went a lot better. Not necessarily because I was singing any better but the music was a lot louder so it muffled some of my bad notes. The vocals would definitely sound better if we had a third voice doing harmonies but Lyrnyrd can't seem to find anyone. Anyway, he is more preoccupied with his quest for the perfect drummer. Overall, it went pretty well. He insists that my voice will get stronger with practice. I hope he is right. We might meet again on Thursday.

I was listening to the radio at work today and they were interviewing Jessica Yu who had completed a documentary called Realms of the Unreal. The film is about Henry Darger, who was apparently a recluse. When he died, they found a 15,000 page novel that he wrote and tons of his artwork that accompanied his novel. That interview was absolutely fascinating! I will have to see this documentary.

Ugggh, I am exhausted. I have been going non-stop since 6:00 a.m. and it is 11:00 right now. I think that I am going to just relax now.

I'm Getting A Little Bit Irritated

2005-01-10T18:18:00.000-08:00

Ok, I know that I shouldn't talk about work on my blog BUT I really do need to vent. I doubt that the "offender" will be reading this anyway so I am pretty safe. Anyway, office politics really is annoying. We spend way too much time out of our life at work to have to deal with other people's warped issues. Today I get an email from a co-worker stating that her department was never invited to meetings regarding a new computer application that was rolling out. Of course, she cc: my boss on this email. My boss knew that the email was bullshit. Anyway, I was later told by another co-worker that the purpose of the email was to try to make my boss look bad, because they are not exactly the best of friends. Now this really pissed me off because my boss is awesome. She has brought so much change and innovation to our company and has always been fair and honest to me. I was livid. Unfortunately for the "offender" I archive almost every piece of work email that I send and receive. With great satisfaction, I forwarded the email that I sent to her over a month ago where I solicited her feedback on her staff's needs. Apparently she had forgotten that I had sent the email and had never bothered to respond back to me. Of course I cc: my boss so she would have this for her records. Suffice it to say, she didn't respond back and I can assume that this is the end to this matter. Unbelievable.

It rained all day today!!! I had to take a detour to work today because one of the roads that I normally use was partially covered by a landslide. It is suppose to rain even harder tomorrow and they say it is suppose to get super cold. Ward told me that he totally spun around in his car yesterday due to the rain. How scary. I wouldn't mind the weather so much if I could stay home and stay warm but it is a different matter when I have to drive through this weather to go to work. Please, oh please, let me win the $70 million Lotto jackpot this Wednesday...

Sorry I Was A Phone Flake

2005-01-09T22:37:00.000-08:00

Hey Ward, sorry I didn't call you back today. That test is coming up in a couple of weeks and I was in my study mode. Did you see or hear from Eve today? (My fingers are crossed) I will email you tomorrow from work.

The Music Memoirs

2005-01-09T20:27:00.000-08:00

Oooh, this looks like fun...
Most of my current music are individual mp3s, not full albums. I excluded these mp3s and answered the questions based on actual cds that are in my collection. The items listed below are cds that people truly are surprised that I own:

Top Five Albums People Wouldn't Believe You Own (Guilty Pleasures)

1) What The World Needs Now Is Love - Wynonna
A lot of people are surprised that I own cds classified as "country". Hey guys, I lived in Plano, TX for a few years and I must credit my exposure to country music to "Big Tex". Wynonna is incredibly talented and yes, I did see her in concert last year and she sounded even better live.

2) High Heels Slut - Hot Damn
My friends are shocked when they hear the classics from this cd including my favorite track "Bitch With An Attitude". This is obviously not a cd with a deep message but the tunes are catchy. The usual response that I get is that they couldn't believe that I paid money for the cd. I saw them perform live too and I must say it was an experience.

3) Fish & Poi - Sean Na'Auao
They played this song and video on Hawaiian Airlines on my way to Hawaii last year. Honestly, at first I thought the song "Fish & Poi" was kind of funny because of the lyrics. By the time we landed I was hooked. I finally tracked down the cd and I must say that this cd is awesome. He has a beautiful voice and the music is very sweet and soothing. Awesome track - "Local Motion Style". Not a typical cd in my collection.

4) Capital Punishment - Big Pun
Can my friends believe that I own this cd?.....Nope. Honestly I only listen to the one track that I bought the cd for "Still Not A Player". This is a great song to dance to.

5) Sailor Moon - Songs from the TV Series
Yes I do buy cds from cartoons. I got this cd around 4 years ago when I was in my Sailor Moon cartoon stage. My friends would just die when I would put this on in my car. It is not the best cartoon cd in my collection, yet it is the most surprising. FYI - Some of the best songs are from Space Ghost Coast to Coast like Brak's Hawaiian Vacation. I would have listed that one but I don't have the cd...only the mp3.

First SAD Meeting

2005-01-08T20:16:00.000-08:00

Today I went to my first SAD meeting. I am really excited about learning new coping techniques. The material is different than when I was in the group before. The material involves a lot of daily practice and repetition which enable you to develop new neural pathways in handling situations that cause anxiety. I wasn't too nervous in today's meeting but next week will be a different story because we will start the behavioral activities. We went through the list of possible activities that might come up and I must say that some were a little anxiety provoking...especially the ones that were going to done outside the office.

I met with Lynyrd on Thursday and we re-recorded the vocals. He made so many changes that it has gotten to the point that I am unsure when to sing and when I do sing I am not sure if I am suppose to sing the middle or high harmonies. He still prefers me singing the high parts even though I am struggling to hit the notes. I am glad that he has confidence that I will eventually be able to hit these notes. Lynyrd told me to think of some possible cover songs that I could sing. As I expected, he turned down every song that I came up with. He wasn't familiar with a lot of the songs and bands that I suggested and when I did bring up one that he recognized, he didn't care for it. He said that he will pick the covers. Somehow I knew that would happen. But it's his call so I guess it is ok. I will be driving out tomorrow for another practice. I am going to try to post an mp3 of one of the songs...but I am still trying to figure out the html code to do that. Gosh, it has been raining all day today. We definitely need the rain but I hope it stops when I drive out to Simi Valley tomorrow.

Codrington is doing another 24 hour shift tomorrow. At the end of the month he will start his internship with the fire department. He is pretty excited about that.

I know that my resolution was to be happy and not obsess with my weight BUT I can't help it because I hit a milestone this morning. I finally hit 119.5 pounds. I have been on almost every diet out there for the past 3 years and have struggled to get under 120. I can't believe that I finally dropped under 120 and I am not even on a diet. All I did was cut my portion sizes and started dancing instead of going to the gym. Time flys when I am dancing which makes it a great way to exercise. When I am at the gym it seems like I am counting every minute that I am there. Once the weather gets better I will start hiking again. I realize that I can eat anything I want as long as it is in moderation. When I was on those diets I would try to cut out sugar completely. That never worked since I love sweets so I would always give in and go on a cake, cookie, candy, ice cream binge. Now, I allow myself a little bit of dark chocolate every day and I get a small taste of sugar from the Trader Joes shredded wheat cereal which I eat for dinner (I am hooked on that cereal). That completely satisfies my sweet tooth so I don't feel the need to run out and buy a french silk pie...like I use to do.

Ward said that Eve finally called. I am so glad that he didn't break down and call her first. Now we have to see what happens this coming week to get a sign on where her head is at.

Just Another Day

2005-01-05T20:50:00.000-08:00

Lynryd emailed me today and said that the drummer that he tried out yesterday didn't work. At least I don't feel so bad for not being able to join them yesterday. I remember when I was in the band before that we always had a terrible time finding a drummer that fit. There was one time when we were playing and the drummer kept speeding up. He started going so fast that I had a hard time keeping up on bass. Lynryd gave him the evil eye and the drummer started to slow down....too slow. It was horrible.

I talked to Olaf today. He was planning on switching firms this month but apparently he is going to put it off for one month. I think that it is wonderful that he is thinking of making a move. The new firm is faster paced and will be more of a challenge to him. He told me that he "sealed the deal" with a new "friend". He never ceases to amaze me.

Ward did good because he didn't call Eve yesterday. I have a feeling that she will call him today. In either case, I am very proud.

Soy Girl thinks that she has a touch of social anxiety because she was nervous about participating in a class last night. I'm still not convinced that she has it since that is a very common fear. I am trying to convince her to meet with my SAD doctor to get his opinion on this matter.

My anxiety level once more was ok today. Tomorrow will be a challenge though. We have a monthly division meeting tomorrow morning. I am trying not to think about it too much right now because when I do I can feel myself getting nervous. Earlier today I was thinking about not attending tomorrow's meeting but I know that avoidance is not a good thing so I am going to make myself go. We'll see how it goes. Of course, if I find out tomorrow morning that I won the $57 MM Lotto Jackpot I will definitely not be attending that meeting. :)

Time To Take Control

2005-01-04T20:41:00.000-08:00

I must say that I am pretty proud of Ward. He has finally decided to take a stand with Eve and not call her again. When a guy is interested in a girl and makes his interest known, shouldn't the girl respond by wanting to talk to him and see him as much as possible? I know that not every person is alike and it isn't fair to stereotype female behavior, but I told Ward that he needs to stop calling Eve and making everything so easy. There is nothing wrong with letting her show a little bit of effort towards making this relationship, no I mean, making this "getting to know each other" work. Ward, if you read my post, I hope you were strong today and did not break down and call her. Trust me!!! She will eventually call you. If not, then trust me, you deserve someone who treats you better.

I once more avoided a SAD attack today. A friend needed a ride to a fast food joint to pick up some food. We drove over there together and for some reason I was thinking "wouldn't it be horrible to have an attack while we are waiting for the food". The weather was super rainy today so when we got out of the car, all I could focus on was how not to get soaked. I was so preoccupied with the rain, I forgot about my anxiety.

Lynyrd asked me to meet for another practice today but I had to decline. I have too much stuff to work on tonight, including studying, practicing my vocals, and practicing bass. Apparently he is trying out a new drummer and wanted me to be there. I hope it went well.

Fa La La

2005-01-03T20:46:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I drove out to Simi Valley for a vocal practice with Lynyrd. We tried firming up the harmonies for around twelve songs. My voice wasn't being too cooperative especially since I am still recovering from a horrible cold. As Lynyrd phrased it...it doesn't need to sound perfect...it just needs to sound pleasant. That was his nice way of saying...you are singing off key so let's work harder at hitting the notes.

On a SAD note, today was a challenge. We had our month-end meeting that everyone in our building attends. For some reason I get super anxious about attending these meetings. This morning I had decided to avoid going to the meeting scheduled for 4:00 so my anxiety level immediately started to decrease. Around 3:45 my boss mentioned that my group should all go together to the meeting. I almost died!!!! I tried using some of the new techniques that I learned from my social anxiety workbook...and it worked. I went to the meeting and I made it through the 45 minutes without having an attack.

Welcome 2005

2005-01-01T21:16:00.000-08:00

A new year brings with it so many new possibilities and experiences. I have decided to deviate from my standard new year's resolution of losing weight....especially since I already blew it today from all of the yummy Greek food I ate at the Angry Greek's birthday party (woo hoo - where good luck had been predicted for me in the coming year since my slice of Vasilopita contained the lucky coin). Instead, this year my resolution is to focus on being happy and thankful about today, instead of excessively worrying about the future or the past. Sometimes it gets so easy to take advantage of the things that you already have in your life. I am especially thankful that I am starting 2005 knowing that everyone in my family is doing ok: My mom's health couldn't be better; I received an email from dad which confirmed that he is was having a wonderful time in paradise and would be returning to California in February; My brother is happily busy with his family and work; My sister is getting the top scores in her teacher preparation courses; and Codrington, like always, is the most wonderful guy in the whole world. I truly have a lot to be happy and thankful for on this wonderful New Year's Day.

Monday Blues

2004-12-27T21:09:00.000-08:00

Mood: Ugghhh
Weight: Ugghhh

Life:
It is always so hard to go back to work after an extended weekend. I did my usual 10:00 weigh-in at the gym during my break and was horrified. Suffice it to say that the Violet Crumble remained unopened today even though I was craving it really bad.

On a darker note, Codrington told me that he is planning on attending an old friend's memorial service tomorrow. Apparently the death was a result of some type of overdose. Soy Girl is planning on attending too. She seemed pretty shaken up over the news. Pretty sad.

Life with SAD:
SAD was not too bad today. I had to conduct a web and phone conference training today but luckily that didn't really trigger my anxiety.

Damn, I didn't win Super Lotto

2004-12-26T21:17:00.000-08:00

Life
I just got off the phone with Ward. He told me about his pre-Christmas festivities. Hmmmm, way to go Ward. Don't worry, I won't discuss details...

On a lighter note, I just checked my ticket and realized that I didn't win yesterday's Super Lotto. The good thing is that no one won so I am going for another $2 investment with the hope of winning $37MM. Dare to dream...

I need to get in more practice time on my vocals. For those who didn't know....yes, I am back in the band. Not as the bass player this time though. I am officially a back-up singer. I love to sing but I wasn't blessed with a great voice and a wide range. Thus, I need to practice my ass off so that I don't wind up ruining the harmonies. How am I going to be able to sing while suffering from SAD? Well, I haven't figured that out yet. All I know is that I am not going to let my SAD stop me from doing this. On a side note, I started playing around on my bass guitar. Argh, I really have lost my touch since I haven't played for so long. However, it started to s...l...o....w...l....y come back to me the more I played.

Back to work tomorrow. Aaahhh, the traffic is going to be heavy this week as tons of people start pouring into Pasadena in anticipation of camping out on Colorado Blvd. and going to the Rose Parade.

The Day After Christmas

2004-12-26T15:41:00.000-08:00

Mood - Happy / Content
Weight - Another 1/2 pound...ok what did I expect after Christmas dinner

Life
Chrismas was really nice. I had a chance to visit with everyone and luckily there were no major family dramas that unfolded.

Today, Codrington and I drove out to Saugus to pick up some furniture from my sister's house. They also gave us their TIVO Direct TV box since they recently switched to Dish, so I am pretty excited about getting that hooked up. Just think, I will never miss another episode of Futurama again. While there, I gave in and had a mini food binge. Thus I foresee an increase in the scale tomorrow morning. To offset this, I will be doing a major workout when I am done with this post.

Life with SAD
I listened to the first tape of the social anxiety series. It had a lot of good points. I also completed the first set of handouts. I know that this will help me get my SAD problem under further control.

For anyone who hasn't heard of SAD, please check out the SAD link in the left nav bar. The symptoms only manifest themselves in certain situations. As a result, some of my friends still don't believe that I suffer from this disorder....which is hard...because SAD is very real. For example, last week Olaf needed a date to his Christmas party. We went to the cocktail party and I was fine meeting everyone. I felt like the "old" Maria...confident and outgoing. I was having a grand old time. However, the previous week I had declined going to my own Christmas party. Why? Because the thought of going to my own Christmas party made me really nervous... I am talking about "knots in my stomach" nervous. Why would I be nervous in this situation and not in Olaf's situation? Why did the thought of one party make me excited and the thought of the other party make me an emotional wreck??? Well, I am still trying to figure out these answers. I know that my SAD group starting in January will offer more insight into the underlying reasons for this behavior. Below is a short response that I wrote when I was asked to describe myself and SAD. Welcome to my world.

"The best way to describe myself is to say that I feel like one person with two extremes. One side of me can be confident, outgoing and eager to try new things. The other part of me is shy and hypercritical. Developing social anxiety has made me painfully aware of these two parts and how they fight each other. I first noticed symptoms of social anxiety in 1996. Of course, I didn't actually know it was social anxiety at the time...I thought I was just going crazy. My symptoms involve an irrational fear of going to certain events or talking to certain people. My heart feels like it is beating 100x faster than normal and I blush. I hated myself for not being able to control this. Well, the symptoms disappeared for two years and then came back and has been with me ever since. Some days/months are better than others, but not one day goes by when I don't think about it.

I refuse to let social anxiety prevent me from achieving my major goals and doing the things that really matter to me."

In the beginning...

2004-12-25T06:56:00.000-08:00

Mood - Happy!!!! Wow - Christmas is a great day to start this blog.
Weight - Ahhh, gained 1/2 pound...now I am 7 pounds away from the magic number.

Life
Codrington had to leave early this morning for a 24 hour shift and now I get to prepare for the family festivities and drama that will unlikely unfold later today. We opened gifts yesterday since he had to work today. Woo Hoo - my favorite gift was the new practice bass amp.
Life with SAD
ANT (Automatic negative thought) level is zero since I am spending the day with close family members.